Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dream Walker

I can hear the cars passing by will the man in my dreams stop?

Will he ask me to open the gate?
The gate to my soul, which I have barricaded.
If he does, will I open it again?
Am I prepared for the hurt again?
My lips still burn from our last embrace...

My heart can only take so much.
I hope he stops only to ask for directions to someone else.
That way I can make peace with his unwillingness to love me.
The way I love him.
I asses and make choices which are in my best interest, then he comes along.
He ruptures my soul and makes me do silly things that hurt me in the end…

Oh I wish I could stand up to my hearts whims, tell him no. Go away…
I would be crushed if he does… I am crushed; the mere thought of him not being in my dreams anymore makes me want to weep…
Relieved now that he doesn’t have the courage to stop and ask for my love…
I am willing to once again give directions…
It’s safer.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Beautiful Confusion

This must be it. What a vampire feels like seconds before death, that brief moment of the stake piercing the heart.
I have no reason, no right to feel this pain…
Oh woe hath befallen me and I have no cause or cure…

I feel ill, how can I not be content within myself and let life run its due course.
Why does my heart want more?

I stand, trying to synchronize thought with feeling to come to a mutual understanding of where, how and what the way forward is.

Life seems so perilous a journey.
True happiness comes from within,
so within I retreat to gather my thoughts to find my happy self.

To treasure it and relish this gift, with loneliness, my new companion.

Beautiful confusion reigns still.

Saturday, September 26, 2009



What is this feeling?
I’m sure I’ve never felt before.
A sense of longing overwhelms me now.
How do I sleep so sound with this madness, this fight going on inside?
To let the possibility of having some purpose slip though my sleep fogged mind.

I feel so fragile, so broken hearted.
You have probably found a warm bed.
Now, I shall take my pain and CRUSH it.
It makes me weak.
No one will do that to me again.
Not even you, my beautiful, beautiful friend.

I know I’m stronger than this.
I have to be.
I have scarred my heart one too many times.
I will not mourn this loss I will not regret my daze.

Such is life.
Solitude: my answer.